Hunting for prefer: The studies and Tribulations of internet dating in Japan

Hunting for prefer: The studies and Tribulations of internet dating in Japan

I quickly realized that finding love in this country was not going to be an easy task when I moved to Japan about five years ago.

By Sara whom Apr 17, 2016 4 min read

I quickly realized that finding love in this country was not going to be an easy task when I moved to Japan about five years ago. Most western guys we came across had been either homosexual, in a relationship or just thinking about Japanese females. Used to do find Japanese guys really attractive, nonetheless they would not approach me personally, being notoriously timid around international ladies. I really could sometimes detect a flicker of great interest, for the most part, before they ran away.

The courtship procedure in Japan puzzled me personally. From what I collected from my Japanese girlfriends, it did actually include lots of passiveness, indirect interaction, texting, misunderstandings and persistence. After wasting months subtly pursuing a man at your workplace simply to learn he previously a gf, we stop the way that is japanese and bento making, additionally described by my buddies as a boyfriend magnet in Japan.

The courtship procedure in Japan puzzled me personally.

Two of my solitary guy that is western suggested internet dating – provided that we wasn’t to locate such a thing severe. I became not used to the internet dating scene and a small hesitant in the beginning. Which was straight back within the times before Tinder shot to popularity and dating that is onlinen’t as socially appropriate. After having a weekend that is particularly gloomy I made the decision that some no strings connected action sounded much better than no action at all. We joined up with Japan Cupid, a website that is dating began combing through pages of creeps, charisma guys and fortunately, potentially interesting Japanese dudes.

To my shock, i acquired lots of attention, specially through the very shy and evasive Japanese dudes. Concealed behind their computer displays, they might now properly approach me personally. Many had been also pretty worldwide, legitimate russian bride sites could talk English and were looking to be able to satisfy non-Japanese individuals. Overall, I’d say that these people were additionally more gentlemanlike than their western counterparts & most didn’t make me feel just like they certainly were just hunting for intercourse. Some also advertised become in search of buddies and sometimes even language lovers; if they were not also looking for something else though i’m not sure why they would be on a dating site…

We quickly discovered myself dinner that is having a string of appealing Japanese men – equivalent ones that will never ever approach me personally prior to. Many first times had been a bit nerve-wracking, when you are most likely conference a stranger that is complete prospective psychopath, but getting to understand one another ended up being really simple. If discussion subjects went away, we could constantly speak about life in Japan or abroad, or worse situation scenario, exactly how good I happened to be at making use of chopsticks. In ways, being from various backgrounds that are cultural it simpler to find items to explore.

If my times had been constantly extremely friendly, it absolutely was often difficult to inform when they had been enthusiastic about me personally or perhaps not.

If my times had been constantly really friendly, it was sometimes difficult to inform in me or not if they were interested. Where western dudes would possibly you will need to kiss you goodnight or try to invite on their own for a night that is late, Japanese guys would awkwardly shake your hand, for the most part. We never ever had to help make the very very first move back, but We quickly comprehended that I would have to put on my big girl pants if I wanted anything to happen on the first date. After a difficult and manly karate coach switched in to a pink shaking mess once I invited him back once again to my spot, it became obvious that the slight approach could work better. I came across hand keeping and dark karaoke bins did miracles with timid Japanese dudes, providing them with most of the signals needed seriously to simply take things further, for example. Using you on a laid-back stroll through Dogenzaka, also referred to as like resort Hill in Shibuya.

Something that astonished me personally probably the most ended up being that internet dating ended up being not just for casual hook-ups and another evening appears. Though we admit I’d my reasonable share of enjoyable. Some dudes had been truly interested in a relationship, but discovered it hard to fulfill individuals the old-fashioned method, particularly when they certainly were enthusiastic about foreign girls. We did end up meeting three of my boyfriends on the internet and about 50 % of my buddies additionally met their other halves the way that is same.

But let’s be truthful right right right here, if you should be shopping for significantly more than the periodic tryst in Kabukicho, internet dating will frequently concern you. For starters, it can take time for you to find quality matches, particularly on Tinder. You’ll also probably get share of disappointing times… but often, additionally, you will satisfy a guy that is great is going to make all of it worthwhile.

Popular dating apps and internet sites in Japan


Positives: free, fun, endless matches, swipe right to state yes and left to say no, match very very first then message, great to help keep the creeps away. Negatives: time intensive, very info that is little go on.

Ok Cupid

Positives: free, long pages, search individuals centered on compatibly or criteria that are specific. Negatives: plenty of creeps and attention that is unwanted.

Japan Cupid

Positives: plenty of choice if you’re a having to pay user, non-paying people can contact spending users, long pages. Negatives: a little high priced, a couple of gentlemen that are unsavoury.